I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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