Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
