the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
