proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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