Its about making memories worth repressing
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
