just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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