oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
