there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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