there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
