I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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