...so i touched it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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