you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
