Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how drunk are you?
Several
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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