Kareoke will never be a sober sport
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
