Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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