Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
