Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
