I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
