Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
