My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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