Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
