i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
