I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
