All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
