I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
