i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
