I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
