you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
