remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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