she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
