please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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