We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
