tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
