i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
