My first STD was from a foam party
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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