i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
40s are totally the cure
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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