As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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