Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
