DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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