Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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