I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
