Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
