After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
