You're my little dorito
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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