You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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