If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
