i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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