if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
