Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
