she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
