apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
