dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
