you would pick up someone in the library
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
